3 Ways You Can Tell If You Have Low Self Esteem

Let’s be honest – most of us struggle with self esteem from time to time. It's completely normal. But when those negative feelings about ourselves start creeping in more often than not, it can affect every part of our lives. From relationships and work, to how we feel when we look in the mirror.

As a counsellor, I see a lot of people who don’t even realise they’re struggling with low self esteem. It’s sneaky like that. It hides in plain sight. So I wanted to share three common signs that might suggest your self esteem is taking a bit of a hit. No judgement here. Just a gentle nudge to help you check in with yourself.

1. You talk to yourself worse than you’d talk to your worst enemy

You know that little voice in your head? The one that pipes up when you make a mistake or try something new or even just get dressed in the morning? If that voice is constantly critical, harsh or downright cruel, it's a sign your self esteem might be low.

Things like

“You’re such an idiot”

“Why would anyone want to be around you”

“You’ll never get it right”

If you'd never dream of saying these things to someone else but you're saying them to yourself, that’s worth paying attention to. You deserve kindness, especially from yourself.

2. You constantly compare yourself to others

Whether it’s scrolling through Instagram or chatting to a friend about their new job or relationship or houseplant, if you always end up feeling less than, it could be a sign you’re not seeing your own worth clearly. Comparison is a tough one because we all do it. But if it leaves you feeling inadequate every time, it’s likely there's a deeper belief that you’re not good enough and that’s classic low self esteem.

Reminder. Other people’s wins don’t mean you’re losing. We’re all on our own timeline even if it doesn’t feel like it.

3. You say yes when you really mean no and accept the bare minimum

People pleasing is a big red flag when it comes to self esteem. If you regularly put other people’s needs above your own, avoid conflict like the plague or agree to things just to keep the peace, you might be afraid that saying no will make people like you less.

This often comes hand in hand with settling for the bare minimum in relationships, at work or even in how you treat yourself. You might feel like you have to earn love or approval or that you don’t deserve more. So you accept crumbs and convince yourself it's enough.

But it’s not. Your needs matter. Your time, your energy and your boundaries are important. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human. And wanting more for yourself isn’t greedy or unrealistic. It’s healthy.

So what now?

If any or all of these sound familiar, first of all, you’re not alone. Low self esteem is more common than most people realise and it’s absolutely something that can be worked on.

Counselling can be a brilliant space to start untangling some of these thoughts and beliefs about yourself. But even just noticing these patterns and being kind to yourself in the process is a powerful first step.

If you’re ready to start exploring this, I’m here. No pressure. Just a safe honest space to figure things out at your own pace.